Sleep Never Comes Easy

Uncategorized | October 15th, 2012

No matter how late I stay up, or what I do throughout the course of my day, I’m not passing out until the 5-6am time period, and still waking up before noon.

I feel stressed, but not a bad stress…Idunno. Still trying to brainstorm the ultimate idea I guess. The one that’s going to solve all my challenges and answer all the questions correctly. Suppose I’m not really alone in that way of thinking.

Baker passed out around 10:30 while watching Dune, the extended version. Things I missed in the theater version made more sense to me after watching this one.

I stress myself out. This whole not touring the rest of the year thing really bothers me, but there’s things that need to be accomplished before going on a bigger tour. Steve did handle awesomely, but he’s really not going to cut it as a permanent tour rig, and I’m not much for the patience department. I keep toying the idea of just getting rid of him altogether, because I have a hard time justifying owning two vehicles. It’s fine for other people, but it bothers me that I have 3 hoodies, or as many t-shirts as I do. There’s a part of me that feels like I really shouldn’t own much more than what can fit in a vehicle. I’ve gotten pretty damn close. I keep racking my brain on things I can sell to generate the cash to buy a new (to me) rig, but nothing really comes to mind since I really don’t own a whole hell of a lot.

I can’t sell any of my touring gear, because I may need it one day, and the whole idea of it just sounds silly any way. I am selling buttons at least $25-$50 worth a week, so that’s a slow steady income, but I’d really like to have a solid 5 grand. Enough to buy the rig, administer any repairs if need be, record, and restock up on merch. I’d like to do this without having to tap into what I like to call ‘The Husband Fund’. Honestly, Dan has done a lot to support me financially over the years, but I’d really like to do this on my own, with my own resources, and my own income.

A conventional job is out of the question, I won’t keep it very long anyway. The moment an opportunity to hit the road comes up, I’ll be gone. Most people don’t want an employee that will take off the first change in the wind, not matter how hard of a worker they are. I also don’t want to do anything that will distract me from my goals. Honestly, I don’t want a job outside of making buttons and selling merch.

So this is what I’m stressing on, money…and it’s stupid. I hate money. Really, I’d like to find a way to accomplish all my goals without it. I’ll figure it out. My brain is wandering on to other things…like what’s the best conversion I can make that will be worth it in the long run for gas mileage…lol and where am I going to record my next album, and I should probably call John tomorrow to figure out a schedule to finish the recordings. Also thinking about the new song I started, and what it’s about. Once I know what it’s about, I will be able to finish it.

Also need to update the website still…got some things updated, but there’s a disk full of pictures I’m supposed to be using to give it a facelift, and a bunch of other things I need to get worked out.

At least the computer will be paid off Friday. Patience…I really hate it. I hate trying to have it. Everything will come in it’s own time and in it’s own way. I’ve always had everything I needed at the moment I truly needed it, so there’s no sense in stress or worry…just need to focus on one individual thing and dive into it. There’s just a lot I need to get done in the next 6 months, and I don’t like having such a long deadline. 🙂

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