My Thoughts In This Moment

Uncategorized | July 26th, 2013

It’s important to keep moving
Because no one gives a fuck about your problems anyway
Gotta find your own way
In your own time
That’s all it is really
We are all on our own journey
Sometimes we’re fortunate enough to find companions who share our path for a time
I know who I am
And I finally understand
Can’t fix anyone or anything but yourself
That is, if you are willing to find and use the tools to make it happen
It’s hard
I know she’s crying, I’ve cried the same way myself so many times
But it’s a hard door to walk through
So many mirrors
So many truths mixed in with the confusion
Who am I?
That’s the big question right…isn’t that what most of us want to know?
So many of us searching…some create a façade because they are too fearful of the truth
And what is truth anyway?
It’s constantly changing as your experience grows
Grow and Play
That is what’s important to me
And I wonder…did I fix this?
I must’ve, because it doesn’t hurt the same as it used to…

The need for booze is gone, now it’s just cause and effect
Meaning I understand the effect it has on me
I also understand why I used it the way I did
The bottle doesn’t hold me anymore
Not like it used to…but it could if I ever allowed it to
I understand the choice
I understand the chaos
The self-destruct that it brings
And life…what is this life?
I understand that too…but only for me
It doesn’t work the same for everyone and it never will
Like a dog, I hang my head out the window, happy
The trees, the sky
It all makes sense
The beauty and the joy is worth it
To keep moving, keep flowing in and out of all the many aspects life has to offer
There’s many struggles I’m taking on out here
The lack of music is hard, the lack of communication is also hard
The lack of physical contact is also a struggle
But it’s all part of the path
The struggle is part of the game, and I’m playing my cards better than I used to
Empty roll of toilette paper? Bring it on!
U-turns, lost hotels, clubs in the basement floor and stairs to the sky
Bring it on I say
Bring it all on, because the struggle is life and life is pain
You stop feeling pain, you stop feeling tired…then you stop living

Lightening over Bordeaux combined with rain and a dark sky reminded me
Reminded me of Denver, of Louisville, and of what it is I’m looking for
I remember what I’m missing, and the heart of the drug that is the addiction
The drug is life
To feel alive is something I can never get enough of
You find that high in the rush of the stage
You find it racing the train to cross the tracks
You find it running through the rain when the lighting is touch ground all around you
And you laugh, and you scream, and you know
Yes you know
In this moment, I am fucking alive!
When you push yourself to the limit, then say, “Life, what is next?”

I am a life junkie
Smell the rain, the old wood of the lighthouse as you climb the 135 steps…
Look out across the water
Look down and know…I faced this fear
Let’s climb higher…let’s see just how high I can go…
Nothing in life is intangible; you just have to work for it
I see the goal, I see the end result, and I work hard
For all the pain I feel in my heart right now
The struggle is worth it

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