Goals and things and fuck you…
…but when I get angry these days, I get more motivated.
I leave in exactly 2 weeks. My heart is racing, the pressure is on…let’s go.
On another note, I had a pretty awesome time driving and hauling gear for 13 Scars over this last 5 day excursion, which I referred to as my American, Heavy Metal Weekend.
Seriously, it was a fucking blast. It’s the first band I traveled with/worked for where no one was trying to fuck me, everyone knows their roles, and we all just do what we do and it fits. I didn’t have to worry about being nice to be nice…I could say whatever the fuck I wanted and just be me without having to worry about who I might offend or how it might reflect the band. I had fun and the only real stress I had was driving at night with dim headlights on winding roads. I feel tired, but I had a lot of fun with the whole process.
I’m learning how to define specific parts of my life.
I have no desire to ever work with another band where I’m going to have to constantly repeat myself that I’m not interested in them or guard against their advances. There’s plenty of people who respect me and my work enough to let me do my thing without trying fuck me. I hate when people grab my waist and pull me closer to them when I offer them a hand shake. You wouldn’t do that to a guy, so why with me? Oh yeah…because I have tits, and I’m supposed to bend over or suck your cock because you think you’re special and I should feel lucky that you think I’m hot. Fuck you. I don’t play that game. This rule applies to people who aren’t in bands too.
I’m not a fucking rock-star, I’m a goddamn person. If you can’t level with me on those same grounds, fuck your ego, I’m out of your league.
I know what I want, I fuck who I want, I go where I want, I do what I want, and I own my shit. The problem is that most people in this world have no fucking clue who they really are, so they can’t make any solid choices to stick with. To be honest, it’s really hard for me to relate to anyone who doesn’t know what they want out of life.