Uncategorized | January 25th, 2013

Focus is important…especially when it’s super easy to get distracted. I make so many lists, it’s ridiculous. I think the sticky notes was quite possibly the best product that came attached to windows 7. It makes it easy for me to keep track of what’s important, and then when I’m done, it’s erased from my desktop forever. Much more efficient than a million little pieces of paper strewn about the house to keep track of.

Played a few local shows here recently…kinda weird to play a bunch in Washington, but it felt good too. Very eager to leave again. Got back on track with booking tour dates, a few more shows locked in, and a bunch are in the works. Still trying to figure out the direction I’m going to go for a tour rig. Mini van vs. RV. I was going to build a tear drop with Todd Smith, the guy who owns TScustomstuff and my go-to-guy any time my gear breaks, but I just don’t have the capital for it right now. My only real options are getting something I can make monthly payments on. Not really happy about that…was hoping to take my truck, but realistically, Steve needs some love before taking him all over the country, and he’s barley comfortable for traveling with just me. My buddy Jeff, aka ‘One Man train Wreck’, is too tall to really fit in the back of the pick-up, let alone all of our combined gear and merch.

Granted, I’m sure we could make it work if we absolutely had to, but I’m trying to find a way to be better self contained. I don’t want to have to rely on anyone for crash space or anything like that while we’re on the road. It’s nice when we can find it, but I don’t want to need it.

My CD release show on the 19th went well. The art was incredible, as were the musicians I shared the stage with. I only sold 3 CDs that night, but I’d still say it was a successful show. Kinda makes me feel silly about all the stress I went through concerning getting my books completed in time for the show.

Picture by Jinx Hadley

Picture by Jinx Hadley

I really wanted to create an intimate and open environment, something that reflected every aspect of my being. It worked. I was able to share meanings behind songs, I cried while playing, and was 100% myself in every sense of the word, no matter how vulnerable it made me feel. It felt like one of the best purges I’ve had in a very long time. It was also the most nervous I’ve been in a long time.

For as hard as it was, I also forced myself to make eye contact with people. Definitely hard and uncomfortable, but not impossible.

Picture by Pamela

Picture by Pamela

Life is amazing. I forget that sometimes.

I’ve been sober for almost 7 months now. A cloud has been lifting, and more realizations are setting in. Waves of emotions hit me like endless shards of glass in an alley way. I’ve been purging a lot of shit lately. Guilt is a new emotion I’m not too familiar with or fond of. But every day, I am more and more grateful for my husband.

My perspectives are shifting, and I’ve been forced to take a long, hard look at myself, my life, and my surroundings. Been trying to figure out what needs to stay and what should go as I attempt to rectify my personal flaws.

The biggest realization is how less of a klutz I’ve been, and the bits of memory that are coming back. When I speak, it’s become easier to articulate what I’m trying to convey in a quicker manner. When I’m upset, I can pinpoint the reason quicker, and spit it out without an hour and half round about explanation to get to the point. This has been a huge relief for me. For years I thought that it was just a part of my makeup…and I accepted it as a part of who I was as a person. It always bothered me, but I didn’t think anything could be done about it. Turns out, it was just the fog created by substance abuse that caused it.

So this has lead to a new item being added to list of skills I need to learn; public speaking.

I’m not the best at speaking to crowds. I tend to doubt myself, and not really sure how to say what I want to say at all times. I need to figure out my message, and a way to deliver it. I think I could benefit a lot from a public speaking class. It’s too late in the year to take a course before I leave for tour, so I will have to plan for Autumn or Winter.

Continuing education is important to me. I was watching some more Seth Godin videos. That man is so fucking inspiring. I was watching another segment on embracing failure and learning from it, and he was talking about how every isolated incident that’s ever happened to him from jobs to other life experiences¬† don’t really amount to much individually, but when you look at them as a whole, they all make sense in leading up to what he’s currently doing with his life currently. It brought a smile to my face, because I remember saying the same thing about my own life.

I’ve been taking the time to break everything down, and figure out what aspects of my life I really need to improve on. So I want to take the public speaking class, and I think a drawing or painting class would be good for me as well. also a class on Windows Excel probably couldn’t hurt either.

I don’t think I ever want to go back to school in the way of obtaining a degree, but paying for specific classes I need to help accomplish my goals can really make a difference in the long run.

Anyway…overall, life is good. Focus right now is on tour, getting dates locked in, and gathering merch. I’ve got 2 months and a week before it’s time to jet. Not much slackin’ time left.

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