Bi-Polar and Manic as Fuck!
Okay…so here’s the deal…I am going fucking crazy. I don’t know exactly what is I need to “fix” what ever the fuck it is that’s bugging me. I’m stressin’ money. I hate money. Also with leaving in about 3 months, when I wasn’t planning on leaving until May, is making me feel panicky and like I’m running out of time. I know shit will work itself out, it always does. Doesn’t change the fact that I’m super stress monkey right now.
The good – we got the van fixed. Dan installed the new radiator in Gerty and all is well with her again, except that her tabs are due on the 23rd of this month. That’s another $117 I wasn’t expecting to have to fork out in such short notice.
I’m still waiting on the judge to respond in regards to my stupid warrant in California. I have to get this cleared up or I won’t be able to leave the country. I have to get this cleared up or I won’t be able to go to California. I think I will feel a hell of a lot better once this is handled.
I’m working part time and I love my job…but the days that I work pretty much drain me and make me worthless the following day. I’m trying my damnedest to get the Pornsettias done and the website updated, etc. I feel like there’s not enough hours in the day. I just looked at the clock and saw that it’s after 4am.
I’ve really been trying hard to stay focused and I’m getting shit done, but I still don’t feel like I’m moving nearly fast enough. I feel like there’s too many files open at the moment. Ya know like back in the early days of computers when you’d click a pop up ad to close it out, and 3 more would pop up in it’s place and it won’t stop. For every pop up you close out, there’s 3 more. Such is life.
Honestly, it’s been nice to be home and spend time with Dan…I have a lot of personal fears looming over me now that didn’t use to exist in regards to heading out on the road again. I know everything will be okay. I know everything will work out…but right now, I’m just like FUCK! I am pumped full of anxiety and my chest feels heavy.
At the very least, the pile on the table is not as high as it was when I started over 12 hours ago and the back stock for Dirty Vending is finally caught up.
I really miss Pammy. I’m glad she’s taking time to work on herself and sort her head out, but I miss having my personal assistant. She really was a life saver for me in moments like this. Having to do the grunt work on every aspect of the business is taking it’s toll on me. Usually, it wouldn’t be a big deal because I could work whenever I needed until the task was complete, but throwing this part time job in the mix is something else. I am so fucking exhausted on every level right now, and my mood swings are fucking ridiculous.
Like I said though, I know shit will work itself out…each task…1 at a time. So…after 4am or not, hair flowers won’t make themselves, and I’ve got a lot to do.