Uncategorized | June 9th, 2013

This morning, I woke up in Salem, OR. I woke up late and high tailed it back to Washington to catch a going away party for some dear friends who are moving away to a small, art community of a town on the other side of the mountains…I barely made it, but I made it, and I’m glad.

I work so hard and I don’t really complain about it ya know, because I choose my life. I enjoy staying up late into the early parts of the morning and sleeping until 10:30, 11am. But I about lost it today. There’s very little I do in the traditional sense of fun and hanging out with my friends. It’s really hard for me to make time in my schedule for it. Granted I could just say, “fuck I won’t work today”, but the truth of the matter is being one person who works for herself, whatever I don’t get done today will only add up to the shitpile list of things I MUST get done tomorrow…but I have been setting some time aside to spend time with the people I love this last week.

Yesterday was a good day, shy of about 3 people of those of us who are still alive and not incarcerated, the crew was together yesterday. We laughed, bbq’d, and had all of the elements that made for a really good fucking day. It’s so strange to me that for as much as I hate Salem, OR, I really love being there when we’re all together like that. A group of fuck ups who all love each other despite all of our shortcomings. We are a family, and the first real family I ever knew. I even got to see Mama T at the beginning of it, and that always puts a huge smile on my face. I love my friends so much.

Then, because I woke up late, I made a mad dash back to Washington. After rendezvousing with Dan, I headed up to Seattle. We got to talking about plans for tomorrow (which is now today, seeing how it’s already 1am), and Dan has a bunch of shit he has to do. This really got to me. I’m home for such a small amount of time, and I took both my Sundays to dedicate to spending time with him. Idunno, I have a lot of shit to get done before I leave still, so it is what it is, but it doesn’t make it any less frustrating. I guess at the very least I should be happy that he’s not getting weird on me like he usually does right before I leave…although, when we were hanging with Vern and Joanne today, he mentioned how he was happy I wouldn’t be leaving for tour right away when I get back from Europe, and I shook my head…”oops, I forgot, no babe, I’m still leaving, just on the 20th now instead of the 16th.” He frowned a little, “how you gunna drum up merch in less than a week?” I smiled, “I’ll figure something out.” and I will, because this is the life I love, and this is what I do.

So Idunno, between our Sunday together being squashed and almost missing Vern & Joanne’s going away party, I almost lost it.

This is the hard part…because there is a desire to be sociable and to be close to others, there is a lot of times I wish I could just say fuck it and spend a day running around with friends having fun and not thinking about work, but in order for me to even relax and enjoy the little time I spend with my friends, there’s a certain amount of work that has to be finished before that can happen.

The going away party ended at 7pm, and I made it to the restaurant at 6:30…in West Seattle…wrong restaurant. I almost gave up, I was so pissed off at myself for not getting the address off Facebook before I left. I searched for the Burien location on my GPS, and nothing came up, I texted a friend, he never responded. I shook my head and fought off the tears.

Vern is the lead singer for an old school Seattle band, The Pleasure Elite. A band I was invited to be a part of as a performance artist when they regrouped their last go ’round. That band forever changed my life, helped me to face a lot of my fears and insecurities, and formed many friendships that I completely cherish. Vern and his wife, Joanne, are both dedicated artists, and due to very busy life schedules and distance, it’s a rare treat to see either one of them. It was really important for me to make this. No, I can’t give up. I tried another search on the GPS, ignored the time on the clock, and drove. I was doing 90 anywhere there wasn’t traffic when I left Salem to make up for the time I lost by oversleeping just to get back to Tacoma and collect Dan, I’d be damned if I wasn’t going to at least give them hugs and say goodbye.

Longer story shorter, I made it, and got to spend an hour with them.

We got there right at 7, and luckily some folks were still hangin’ out, and the restaurant wasn’t in a hurry to clear the room.

I guess the whole point of this post was that I work hard, I work really hard at just about everything I do, which also includes when spending time with the people I love. I only ever really have enough money to get to the next step or maybe a few steps ahead if I’m lucky. If you don’t see me, it doesn’t mean that I don’t care…but time is a bitch to balance, and I really am doing my best here. It hurts me too when I don’t get to see your faces. I miss Becca and Sheri. I miss a lot of folks and painting sessions with Brad. I miss going home every 2 months or so. But what I’m going for is worth the sacrifices and I cross my fingers, hoping you all understand. When I can, I will…and if I don’t, I’ll get to it eventually. The list of priorities change depending on what the day calls for, and just because shit may look easy at times doesn’t mean it is. I cry a lot more than you’d think…but the joy is equally as great.

Now it’s time to put laundry in the dryer, I got packin’ to do and I find an odd sense of joy in that too.

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