Been talking to Dan a lot since I got home, especially these last few days. Been opening up to him a lot more. I think I’ve just decided to trust him completely. After 9 years, I guess I’ve just decided to say fuck it. I always confess to him whatever is bugging me before I make shit public, he’s a strong fucking man. I’m at a point right now where I’m just not sure which direction to go. So much shit emotionally has been laid out in front of me. I’ve been asking myself “how the fuck can I be… Continue Reading →
This is me. This is the me that most never gets to see. This is the me when there’s no distractions, and this is a step to moving forward.
The weeks go by like the minutes of the day, and life is so unpredictable. I had a great day yesterday. Been spending a lot of free time with Brad, because it’s been bringing out the painter in me, and it’s really easy to talk to him because of how similar we are. He’s got 21 years on me, so it’s nice to gain some perspective from someone who’s lived more experiences than I have, and has a similar way of thinking. Somewhere along, halfway through the day it had been brought to our attention that Hell’s Kitchen is closing… Continue Reading →
It’s not that my head was a mess this last week, it’s that my head has always been a mess. It’s like the person who has a cluttered bedroom, but they know exactly where everything is up until the point the person with the good intentions comes by and tidy’s the place up for them. Except instead of cleaning persons, you come in contact with folks who shake up your life. Some are for the better, some for the worse, and some you barely even notice they were there. I asked Dan today why it is that I refuse to… Continue Reading →
So I’m very, very close to launching my Kickstarter campaign. I’m waiting for the amazon processing to complete. I used to ask myself “just how much is one person able to take?” Over time, I’ve learned that the answer is very simple…as much as you are able to carry. My joy is as equally as great as my sorrow. I’m so scared…anything could happen. Nothing could happen, or everything could happen. Never know until you try, and I’m not too scared to try. Never too scared to try. My final draft is done. I’ve sent the preview to a bunch… Continue Reading →
It’s like pissing on concrete at 6am After going a round with the devil’s kin It’s the feel of the seat It’s the hand in your cunt It’s the beautiful prick That’s a little too drunk It’s the perversions drawn in his subtle smile Dancing on dreams with another wayward child It’s the dirt on our breath It’s the sweet on his lips It’s the taste on his fingers As I’m thrusting my hips I live my life the way that I live Don’t care for judgement from you or them Don’t give a fuck about being cool I don’t… Continue Reading →
…I’m swimming in the sea, soaking up the sun, and pissing on a tree… Now for something that isn’t mine…I’ve been falling in love with this band so much. Thanks so much to Austin for letting me rip this onto my computer. I don’t remember what day I left, I don’t remember what day this is. All I know is something has been building, and when it exploded, the dust settled(at least i think the dust has settled?), and we’re still here playing music together, and we’re all still standing. This has been the hardest tour I’ve ever been on,… Continue Reading →
What you’ve done has no bearing on what you’re doing now other than being the foundation to which you’re building on. These are the lessons I’m learning…I really love my job. Some days it’s scary, and often difficult when faced with new tasks, but I find a lot of fulfillment in it and personal growth. It forces me to take calculated risks, think at different levels, and opens my eyes to my potential more with each passing day. Today’s risk only really affects my pocket book: internet from my cell phone provider. I’ve taken a lot of financial risks with… Continue Reading →
Strength doesn’t come from never knowing pain. It comes from rising above it. Went back into my “normal” mode of thinking, or at least the one I prefer…which is the happy, get shit done Becka. I guess the nice thing about the bi-polar tendencies is they tend to be present less and less. Seriously had the most kick ass weekend I’ve had in a long time. SHiTfest was a fucking blast. Everyone who showed up rocked the fuck out of the house, and I remember just as much of everything that happened the same way I would sober. (For those… Continue Reading →
I write to keep the beast at bay. I sing to sooth the wounds inside. I create to defy the monster that wants to control and destroy. I breathe because I can. I love because it keeps my life moving forward. I live. Every day, I live. I will succeed because I know what it’s like to fail, and it’s a feeling I strive to never repeat again.